My phone teetered on the edge of the counter. “Where I left you,” I muttered. I plucked up the device. My attention dove into the screen. My body moved itself from kitchen to living area and collapsed onto the couch. A great debate raged in my mind; do I text Rabbit tonight or wait till the morning? Which conveyed an actual interest but didn’t seem annoyingly eager? Genuine excitement won out.
Hey! Didnt lose ur number 🙂 [Me 3:01am]
I threw my phone onto the cushion next to me. Hands pressed against my face. “What am I doing?” I grumbled to myself. They were a connection to rave. Rabbit was just another person I could be friendly with to my own benefit I reasoned. They were cute enough I might even consider fucking them (if they wanted to.)
So why did I care so much? How come I was overthinking every interaction? I groaned and almost missed my phone buzzing.
Good job!! Super glad to hear 😛 [Rabbit 3:08 am]
keep me in the loop [Me 3:09 am]
?? [Me 3:09 am]
Absolutely! Wouldn’t want you to miss it! [Rabbit 3:12 am]
I passed out on the couch, the room spinning around me. Whatever dreams played over my mind that night were pulled away by the disgustingly bright tones of my alarm. It took a few minutes for me to realize I was up and annoyed. Then the panic set in.
I was verging on being late for work. My aching body hobbled to the bathroom. A part of my mind suggested I go back to sleep again and again. My eyes wanted to shut. My legs wanted to collapse. I filled the sink with cold water to dunk my face in. The physical shock helped jolt me alert. From there I rushed through my routine and barely made it out the door.
Throughout my entire morning —during every inane ‘check-in’ and meeting, while replying to emails and inner-company messages, and while performing through the social charade that came with getting coffee, I thought about Rabbit. I wanted to message them only slightly less than I wanted them to message me.
Ugh, why did I want them to be thinking about me? It felt so oddly difficult to inject some of that artificial charm.
My usual rate of work tanked as I impulsively checked my phone. Finished a line? Check my phone. Responded to a message? Check my phone. Bummed the coffee is gone? Check my phone. It was only after a meeting that ran way too long did I get a notification I cared about. The banner indicated I had a message from Rabbit.
Got the info [Rabbit 2:43 pm]
[longitude and latitude coordinates] [Rabbit 2:43 pm]
Pretty normal invite. [Rabbit 2:44 pm]
Oh! They don’t allow phones into the Rave. [Rabbit 2:44 pm]
Though I suppose that probably isn’t a problem for you. 😛 [Rabbit 3:23 pm]
Eassssyyyy [Me 4:13 pm]
I kept my phone under my desk and investigated the coordinates. According to my nav app the location was about an hour away. Why coordinates though? Even some of the most remote festivals I had attended still used a proper address. The coordinates seemed like a stunt to be edgy, but that impression faded when I ended up looking at an overpass. The pin hovered over what appeared to be the prolonged transition from highway to state route. Even on street view I couldn’t get a sense for what the road passed over or why it was built as an overpass.
the directions always so helpful [Me 4:26 pm]
?? [Me 4:27 pm]
lol [Rabbit 4:52 pm]
They’re usually worse. [Rabbit 4:52 pm]
any tips?? [Me 4:53 pm]
My work week ended with no reply from Rabbit. I knew incredibly little about Rabbit, so I had no reason to feel as anxious at I did. It took a continual effort to keep my own mind from pursuing thoughts of remarks and observations that might illicit a non-pressured response. Never before had someone taken so much of my mental energy.
Over a meal of disparate snacks I distracted myself with a question; do I go out tonight? There was plenty of time to recover tomorrow before this rave. I could stay out all night if I wanted. I hadn’t done that in a while. The plan failed to provide the dopamine expected.
I tried to motivate myself by looking up clubs in the area. I scrolled outdated lists as I finally started the battle against the laundry mounting in the corner of the bedroom. Midnight snuck up on me, my decision now made by default. Nothing ever gets better after midnight.
I resigned myself to a rare night in. Getting sleep ended up requiring chemical assistance.
Chloe Williams 